Time to leave

TIME TO LEAVE?

“You are crazy still staying in Lithuania. Look what

you have done for this country, not even getting a

thank you in return; pack your things and leave.”

A long time friend told me this not many days ago.

I admit it, I like complicated relationships.

What is it about me that makes it so hard to end my relationship with Lithuania? I always seem to hang in to the bitter end, even with a country like this. I am caught up in thoughts of "what if?" I hang onto fleeting hopes that "maybe things will change."

Ever heard the expression "If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it is a duck."? The same is true for a country like Lithuania. When you find yourself constantly making excuses for your relationship it might be time to throw in the towel.

When you're in a serious relationship it's supposed to bring happiness to your life. Of course no relationship is perfect, but when the bad starts to seriously outweigh the good, it might be time to bail.

Deep down we all have a mental list about what we want in a relationship. It's a "wish list" of common interests, backgrounds, personality traits and more. When you find someone that possesses a large amount of the items on the list; that's when it usually turns into a relationship.

However, it was the "good list" that I paid attention to when I first came to Lithuania. It has taken a longer amount of time to come to terms with the fact that Lithuania has more of the things that I don't want than those that I do. Lithuania, after all, is good looking, intelligent, fun and charming.

Why do I stay? I stay because the relationship is so "good." At least that's what I keep telling myself and others. We're the best of friends and have tremendous chemistry together. We have all the same interests and understand each other without words. Sounds simple enough right?

The unfortunate reality is that Lithuania is still "damaged goods." It's probably incapable about being serious about anyone for a long time.

It has only been 20 years so far, and that leads me to still rationalize out why I stay. Past experience has shown me how quickly years can turn into decades. I also don't want to admit that the longer I stay the more painful it will be to leave. I estimate I have only about 10% odds of this relationship working out. So why do I stay?

Neil Sedaka said it best. "Breaking up is hard to do." If I possessed the incredible ability to "turn things off" I would walk away today. Instead I run the scenarios in my head of what it will feel like after I’ve left. The pain, the anger, the loneliness; who wants that? The worst is when you second-guess yourself:

"Did I do the right thing?"
"What would have happened if I just waited awhile?"

It's never simple. This truly is the spineless insecure approach but we're all guilty of it at some point in our life. It all depends on the level of emotional investment. The more Lithuania has your heart, the harder it is to take it back.

I spend my days building my inner strength. I work on being more comfortable with myself. I study Lithuania’s mind and how easily it doesn't let emotions control its life. I'm actually hoping that soon I'll be able to handle my situation just like Lithuania would.

I call Lithuania up to tell this is not working out. Lithuania says ok and understands. We both hang up.

Aage Myhre

Editor

PS 1:

In the next issue of VilNews I will tell you why I may stay in this relationship, after all…

I may also say something about why I think there are reasons for many of you

who emigrated to move back to your beloved home country…

PS 2:

I have received some appreciation from Lithuanian officials,

so my friend was not absolutely correct : ))