Oh, those old Lithuanian
wedding traditions

The article author, Kestutis Eidukonis, with the bride and her maids.

Marriage and death - these are the events to which ancient Lithuanian culture gave special attention to, and judging by the surviving customs and folklore, the most significant of these was the wedding, for it was on the family that the entire community depended on for survival, structure, and stability - not only of the community but of the whole nation. It is therefore understandable why the creation of a family - a wedding- receives so much attention in both ancient and present day Lithuanian culture.

One only needs to walk around old town Vilnius or Kaunas or any good size Lithuanian town on any given weekend to see wedding entourages accompanied by photographers posing for pictures at churches, bridges or any other landmark. These festivities occur everywhere in Lithuania. It is a wonderful sight for a country. It is usually a sign of confidence and hope in the future. Of course, traditions change and some people are reluctant to celebrate the wedding using some of these traditions but it was interesting to see them none the less and hope people continue to observe them.

I recently had the privilege of attending one of these special occasions in Žemaitiją in the wonderful towns of Veiverženai, and Švekšna I was invited to the wedding of Arturas and Žavinta, (her name means Enchanting) and I want to thank them and their families for sharing this beautiful experience with the me and the readers of VilNews.

At Žavinta's and Arturas's wedding, all the old traditions of a Lithuanian wedding came into play. All the actors, the matchmaker and his wife, the groom, the bride, the parents, bridesmaids, groomsmen, musician, large number of relatives and friends and most importantly, the children, had a part to play.

The day started at the bride's house with the bride getting dressed for the occasion being assisted by the brides maids. As the magic hour got close, the groom together with groomsmen arrived at the house, where, family and friends waited. The ceremonies began with the Matchmaker and Mrs Matchmaker (The matchmaker's wife) taking charge. The groomsmen are introduced to the bridesmaids. The boys tied flowers on the bridesmaids wrists and the girls in turn put a flower on the lapel of the boys. The future bride and groom in turn present a typical handwoven Lithuanian sash to the Matchmaker with the words Matchmaker - Liar.

The next part of the festivities was both comical and melancholic. The parents shared with everyone present their fondest memories of their children. Their first words, the lullabies they used to put them to sleep with and anything else memorable. The groom's mother then pinned a flower on her son's lapel, and in traditional Catholic families the couple is presented with a rosary as symbol of God's blessing. The bride and groom then bid farewell to their parents by kissing their hands. Tears flow copiously! Moms are usually very tearful - not so the fathers. Guests applaud and cry!

After this the couple proceed to the church where the mass is said and the couple exchange vows - pretty much like any other wedding ceremony. The couple also adopted the custom of releasing white turtle doves after the wedding ceremony outside the church.

After the church ceremonies the young couple along with their whole entourage hop into their cars and go on a noisy, horn blasting, few hour long trip. Photos are taken and rituals are performed. These combine a few old and new traditions - the old tradition consists of sorting through a bunch of stones labeled by the maid of honor with good and bad characteristics of the couple. Love jealousy, respect, hot temper, etc. The good stones are kept and put in a basket. The bad ones are tossed away. The stones have a special pagan significance - in old times they were considered messages to the gods. The newer tradition consists of locking two hearts together with a symbolic lock. The lock is often placed on a bridge and the key is discarded. Most Lithuanian bridges are covered with such locks. (I have also seen people removing their locks after a divorce or separation). The wedding party also uses this occasion to go visit close relatives who are ill or frail and could not make it to the festivities. The groom is also supposed to carry the bride across any and every bridge they come to.

Finally, according to old traditions it is time to go back to the house where the parents and the guests are eagerly awaiting. Weddings used to take place in one of parents' home. Now days, the celebrations are often held in a hall or in a place specially selected for its rural scenery or for the occasion. However, the decorations, like in the old days remain the same, the yard is decorated with birch branches flowers and other decorations. Our wedding took place in Alsė, a "kaimo sodyba" - a rural B & B.

After raising Cain on the roads and streets, the newly weds return to the hall where they are welcomed by their parents with the traditional gifts of bread and salt and water. (The bread symbolizes life, salt bitter moments and the water or wine to wash everything down) But before they are allowed to enter, they are required to undergo a variety of challenges. What would Lithuanian wedding be without jokes, and pranks? The organizer of all this is the irreplaceable wedding musician and the matchmakers who, up until the return of the young couple have been busy preparing for the first trials, an obstacle course for the groom to navigate while carrying his bride blindfolded - she is supposed to coach him where to walk. A baby doll for the bride to wash and diaper. Firewood for the groom to chop, a dish has to be broken and it will predict the number of children they will have, the bride will have to demonstrate that she knows how to peel potatoes. All this is accompanied with cat calls from the audience and commentary from the matchmakers as to how well or how ineptly the newly weds are performing their tasks. Upon completion of their tasks the newly weds request permission to enter the hall, but before the couple are allowed in they must get the approval of all the guests - who might want to challenge the couple. The maid of honor comes to the aid of the couple with a basket of candy and goodies to bribe the guests with. Many of the traditional matchmaker tasks have survived to this day but some are modified to fit the times. It is the matchmakers jobs to keep the evening flowing with toasts, songs, games and speeches. Everyone present is offered a chance to talk. The speeches have to be witty or sentimental, and they are always heartily applauded. The food was plentiful and delicious. Each table had official "bottle masters" and "happy attitude enforcers" assigned. The staff of the "Alsė" was great - pitchers were always full and platters of food just kept on coming. The place where the wedding took place was just outside the town of Švekšna it is a "Kaimo Turismo Sodyba" - a rural village garden type of an accommodation - with gazebos and other areas where guests young and old could socialize and imbibe. It also had places where everyone could rest, either in private rooms or communal bunk type accommodations. People with less stamina, were given semi-private accommodations - while the younger folks were provided with communal sleeping arrangements.

Around midnight - everyone was invited to a fire (normally a fireplace ) but in our case it was burning candles where everyone was asked to sprinkle amber dust on the flames and make a wish for the newly weds. Why Amber? Amber is considered to be the oldest, healing, spiritual rock with a large amount of organic energy. This magnetic stone, can still be found in the Baltic Sea, it is used for attracting love, carrying for and protecting happiness. It is symbolical invitation to an old Lithuanian ancestral spirit, to care for our young family and for our ancestors to reinforce the strength of the spirit of the family hearth fire. This magical fire now resides in Arturas and Zavinta and burns passionately within them.

The party continued till seven AM - With guests disappearing little by little till only the most energetic and hearty ones were left.

On the second day of the wedding - we were awakened by our colorful musician wearing a long wig. knocking on our door and insisting on us opening the door whilst he and his accordion serenaded us with his "wake up" song. Good natured threats were hurtled back and forth. Dire consequences were predicted for those who did not open up and wake up. Little by little, everyone woke up and gathered around for a breakfast of sour kraut soup served with potatoes and Kastynis ( A rich mix of butter and cream). This traditional hangover remedy , a visit to the sauna followed by a dip in the pond quickly revived everyone. The sauna and the dip in the pond was voluntary - though many took advantage of it.

Around noon - everyone was ready to start partying all over again. Everyone gathered at the banquet hall for second round of revelry. In the meantime, the bridal party decided that the matchmaker exaggerated the grooms qualities when he recommended the groom to the bride and her parents and that for being such a big liar, he needs to be strung up. The matchmaker at first tries to make excuses, but then when he sees that it is doing no good he starts to read his humorous last testament. This leaves everyone in stitches! The Matchmaker is than saved from hanging by the young bride - who ties her sash on him as a sign of respect and as sign of thanks for finding her a great husband. The wedding party goes along with the bride and decides that the matchmaker wasn't a liar, after all. He did match up these two wonderful young people and his services are still needed for the remaining large group of unmarried women. The matchmaker is allowed to live but now has to wear his matchmaker's sash around his neck as a reminder of the perils of his job.

Of course, there was still a lot of celebrating to do, games, dances and songs. The wedding went on till later that evening. But most importantly the Lithuanian Spirit was alive and well there. Happy guests, happy newly weds and most important of all - happy young eyes were watching all of this, for you see the young children were a part of this the whole time: This to them was a Fun Lithuanian Wedding!